Apparently, the only news on the planet this week has been that Miley Cyrus “twerked” on Robin Thicke at the MTV VMA awards at some point over the weekend. When I first heard about it, it led to a series of rapid fire thoughts for me:
1. What the hell does “twerk” mean? I’d better look this up.
2. Oh…I….ohhhhh……that has a name?! And that name is “twerk?”
3. I hope this gets everyone to finally shut up about how she used to be a Disney Channel star. (more on that in a minute.)
4. Robin Thicke? That dude dressed like a high class Foot Locker employee? He can’t be related to….
5. Alan Thicke. Oh my.
6. As if Alan Thicke didn’t have his hands full enough trying to explain Kirk Cameron.
7. Oh, the mock outrage people are going to have a field day with this.
8. Poor Alan Thicke.
Granted, I think that last one several times per day. But let’s focus in on thought #7. Approximately 5.3 seconds after learning what the word “twerk” meant, I saw the inevitable headline:
“Miley Cyrus’ VMA Twerking Slammed by Parents Television Council”
The Parents Television Council is a very loud group of “concerned citizens” with all sorts of time on their hands. Their mission, as per their Twitter account, is to “promote and restore responsibility and decency to the entertainment industry.” They are going to do this by creating some sort of nanny state where they fulfill the roles that parents apparently can not, in their minds? I don’t know. Whatever their plan, they’ve been in existence since 1995 and haven’t exactly succeeded in any way, shape or form in their mission.
Granted, they aren’t the only ones getting worked up about what’s on TV. There’s plenty of things on TV which shouldn’t be seen by young, impressionable eyes. But for that matter, there are plenty of things on TV which shouldn’t be seen by my 28 year old, impressionable eyes. The mock outrage has done nothing towards their goal. Which isn’t to say it hasn’t done anything. It’s done plenty.
Every time I hear that The PTC is angry about something “horrible” on television, I hear it from somewhere else within the media. In this case, I read something on CNN’s website about how they, as well as many other volunteer members of the morality police were simply outraged and offended and shocked and horrified that something outrageous could happen at the hands of MTV and Miley Cyrus. How could MTV, longtime keepers of all that is decent and humane in the world allow a clean, wholesome girl like Hanna Montana to gyrate against a man! On live TV! In her underpants! Oh, the humanity! Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the children!
The mock outrage over the event does NOTHING to change the fact that the event took place, prevent it from happening again, or stop people from looking at footage of the event on YouTube.
Ah yes, YouTube. For those members of the morality police who may not be aware, YouTube is a video sharing site found on the internet. The internet is something they have on computers now. I read about your outrage over Miley Cyrus’ odd dance moves and clicked over to YouTube to watch it for myself.
AND SO DID AT LEAST 8 MILLION OTHER PEOPLE WITHIN THE FIRST FOUR DAYS AFTER DISASTER STRUCK MTV!
And why did this happen?
Because many people like myself, who wouldn’t otherwise pay two seconds of attention to basically anything on MTV, who DO NOT EVEN HAVE A CABLE TELEVISION PACKAGE heard that you were pissed off and went to scope things out.
It was five minutes of awful singing mixed with frightening teddy bears and roughly four seconds of Miley Cyrus’s “twerking.”
Get over yourselves. Move on. Develop some real problems. But most of all, stop pretending like you were horrified by something that you certainly were not watching in the first place. If you don’t want your kids to watch MTV, DON’T LET YOUR KIDS WATCH MTV.
If you don’t want other people’s kids watching MTV? STOP PRETENDING TO BE OUTRAGED BY THINGS ON MTV. The insane asylum that is the major media will not report on your make believe outrage, 8 million (and counting) YouTube viewers will not investigate what you’re so annoyed about, and society will continue on unharmed.
Easy as that.
Now, two real quick things on Miley Cyrus.
1. She’s not Hanna Montana anymore. Personally, I figured it out when I heard about her doing drugs in a club bathroom after her friends presented her with a birthday cake shaped like a penis.
Oh, wait, no, I figured it out when someone told me that they didn’t make new episodes of Hanna Montana anymore. As it turns out, when a show gets cancelled, the actress who portrayed the leading character goes back to being a real person and (wait for it…) isn’t actually the person she once played on TV! Who knew?!
2. Robin Thicke is in his mid thirties. He’s married to a beautiful woman. He dressed like the ninth guy on an NBA team would if he were trying to impersonate a referee and let a twentyish year old girl gyrate against his crotch. When we’re pretending to get angry about how awful society is because a twentyish year old girl danced up against a guy, let’s not forget that part of the problem in that equation is that the married man was all for it.
But again, who really cares? It’s not your problem, it’s not my problem, it’s nothing that you can’t easily prevent your kids from watching. Stop with the fake outrage over every single little tiny bad thing that happens in society. Because of your lunacy, the fact that the United States is about to drop bombs in yet another foreign country has become secondary news. The fact that Congress is about to return to debate some appallingly draconian budget which many of your fellow lunatics will want enforced before allowing money to go towards helping poor people afford health care isn’t even on the radar.
If you want to get outraged, there are plenty of options available for you to get legitimately outraged over. Miley Cyrus’s dance moves simply aren’t one of them.